So there’s this trailer on TV for a new Al Pacino movie called 88 Minutes. From what I’ve gathered, the movie is about a detective of some sort (Pacino) who hunts down serial killers… and the serial killer that he currently happens to be chasing has threatened to kill him in an hour and 28 minutes.

So where do I start? First off, who the hell came up with this number? If I’m a deranged serial killer, I don’t think I’d threaten to kill a man in an hour and twenty-eight minutes… I mean who’s that specific? Why not just say an even hour and a half? If you’re going to get that precise, why not throw the second count in there as well? What if the serial killer has to go to the bathroom, or notices that his shoelace is untied, shortly before the clock runs out? He could end up a serial killer and a liar… that’s like a fuckin’ double-whammy. And on a side note, who coined the phrase “double-whammy?” I don’t get it… any of it.

Alright, here’s something I really don’t understand about this movie. It’s advertised as a thriller-type film, where Pacino gets this death threat and he spends the movie narrowly avoiding getting shot, or blown up, or squished by a giant anvil, which is all good with me… really, I have no problem with any of that… except for one small thing:

The killer said he’s going to kill Al Pacino in 88 minutes.

If you’re calculated enough to say you’re going to kill someone in an hour and twenty eight minutes, why the fuck would you try to kill him before that?! I’m sorry, but this guy’s credibility, completely, goes to shit for a couple different reasons. First, he’s giving a man an hour and a half to live… what good is his word if he’s just going to keep trying to kill the guy before that hour and a half is up? Second, if the dude takes numerous stabs at killing you, and consistently fails, what would suggest he’s going to pull it off later… or more specifically, exactly 88 minutes after he said he was going to do it? If I’m Al Pacino, I’m thinking I’m going to grab some lunch, cuz this joker is hardly a threat.

I’m going to guess that this movie is lacking a bit of suspense. Even if the bad guy does end up killing Al Pacino in 88 minutes, the title pretty much tells us he doesn’t pull it off before that… so what’s the point? Why should I sit through 88 minutes of movie footage, when I know nothing of significance is going to happen? Listen, I like Al Pacino as much as the next guy (I’m not sure who the next guy is, but if he’s a fan of Al Pacino, then I like Al Pacino just as much as he does) but I can’t say I’m particularly inclined to sit through 88 pointless minutes of a movie, when I’ve been told, by the people who made the movie, that nothing is actually going to happen for an hour and a half… and the stuff that does happen won’t really make a whole lot of sense.

Why do movies like this get made, yet the movies that I think up, but don’t actually write, get ignored entirely?

Recap:
Al Pacino is among the greatest actors of our time;
The 88 Minutes movie contains 88 minutes worth of unnecessary footage;
An even 90 minutes worth of useless footage would’ve been better.

Tell your friends you’re going to kill them in 88 minutes… and then try kill them before that.

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