I heard some Victoria’s Secret model quit her job cuz she wasn’t happy making 5 million dollars a year. This information frustrates me. I’d love to be paid 5 million dollars a year to roll out of bed and stand in front of a fan. When I get out of bed now, I go so far as to dress myself in multiple articles of clothing… and I don’t get a dime. What kind of crazy person says “hey, you expect me to wake up? I hardly think that’s worth 5 million dollars!”

Making millions of dollars for doing absolutely nothing is glorious; some might say it’s my dream. Unfortunately for me, I’m not 5’10”… or a woman, so it may be a bit of a long-shot to think that I may one day have the opportunity to chill with the Victoria’s Secret models and drink margaritas on some beach in Hawaii.

But, like any goal-oriented individual, I refuse to just give up on this. So I’m not 5’10”, or muscular, or one of the hottest women on the planet… as the saying goes, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, and life has given me limes… so I’m going to make… lime…aid.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I’m going to become the world’s top midget-attire model. Models are tall; I’m a giant when standing next to a 3 foot man. Models are slender; I’m like a fine stick of bamboo. Models are attractive, I’m attractive. All the pieces are in place.

I’m sure that the slew of midgets who are reading this are probably saying “hey man, you’re not even a midget” well to them I say no, I’m not a midget. I’m like a superhuman; someone to look up to both figuratively and literally! Young girls, worldwide, starve themselves, and develop serious eating disorders to be like their heroes, maybe one day midgets will starve themselves and endure torturous sessions on some sort of medieval rack thingy (you know those things where you tie up your hands and legs and pull them in opposite directions) to be more like me! I can see them, flipping through the midgie-magazines thinking… wow, that guy’s so tall, and trim… look at how slender and well-developed his fingers and legs are… what a dapper fellow.

Now, I’m a realist and I understand that the market for modeling miniature clothing isn’t quite as illustrious as lingerie, so I can’t expect to make 5 mil a year… but 2 and a half mil shouldn’t be too big a stretch (pun not entirely intended)? I figure, the clothing is half the size, the price will likely reflect that.

Now all I need is a manager… someone well connected in the fashion and little people industries.

Recap:
Regular people look at models and marvel at how tall and skinny they are;
Midgets look at me and marvel at how tall and skinny I am;
Models make 5 million dollars a year to do nothing;
Models for midget apparel probably make about 2.5 million dollars a year to do half the work that regular models do.

Tell your friends if they happen to roll in the fashion or midget circles, otherwise it doesn’t really matter.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 16th, 2007 at 8:37 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.