I think I need an addiction to something. Addictions define people… like if you have a friend who’s addicted to heroin, he’s probably known as the guy who’s addicted to heroin… and if he weren’t addicted to heroin, you’d be talking to someone, and you’d say “hey, you know my friend Jim?” and the person would be like “who?” and at that point you’d be thinking… “fuck… I wish Jim were addicted to heroin… this would be so much easier” but Jim’s not addicted to heroin… Jim’s just a regular guy who nobody cares about.

I’m going to start some sort of petition to get Jim, AKA what’s-his-name hooked on smack… unfortunately, nobody is going to sign it, cuz nobody gives a shit about this Jim guy… but they will, one day… and all of Jim’s newfound, bandwagon friends, are going to hold some sort of intervention to get Jimmy off the heroin… and after a couple stints in rehab, some really bad withdrawal, a relapse or two, another intervention, an incident with a fork, that would’ve been avoided, had Jim not had the withdrawal-shakes, a few stitches, and a run in with an imaginary leprechaun, Jim will be loved!

I’d like to be known for something, I’m just not sure what it is yet. I’d say heroin addiction, but people will just think I’m just trying to be the next Jim… and no one, except Jim, can be Jim… not even a different Jim… they’d just be some watered-down, poor man’s Jim, who nobody likes cuz he’s trying to steal Jimmy’s thunder.

Do you suppose you could get addicted to being disliked? And that people will start to love you for being that guy who nobody likes? And your very existence will become some kind of paradox, where the contradiction is what makes it true? That’s what I’m going to be known for! I’m going to be a contradiction, and everything you think about me, will be like the opposite of what you actually think about me, but it will be the fact that it’s opposite that makes it true… so in a nutshell, I’m just going to be the guy who confuses the hell out of you.

If there were sign language for my name, it would be the scratching of one’s head… and when you walk down the street, and see some dude scratching his head, you won’t be sure if he’s trying to communicate something about me, in sign to you, or if he’s just got an itch… and that will add to my legacy!

If you have a legacy for something, I bet that, after it becomes a legacy, you’ll become the guy whose legacy is the fact that he has legacy. Sooner or later, people won’t really know you, for whatever reason it was they knew you… they’ll just know you because of the legacy. That’s cool though… I mean, it’s no heroin addiction, but that’s taken, come up with your own shit!

I think it would be really awesome, if you were remembered for being the guy who was completely forgotten! If you could pull that shit off, you’d be God to me… except you wouldn’t, cuz I wouldn’t remember you… but still…

Recap:
Addictions define people;
This guy Jim (who you haven’t yet heard of) is going to get addicted to heroin… and it’s going to be his thing, not yours;
Imitation Jim’s are like insurance companies… nobody likes them;
I’m going to be a contradiction, who confuses you to the point that you forget about the contradiction;
Legacies are almost as cool a thing to have a legacy for as heroin addiction.

Tell your friends to walk up to the guy, who is scratching his head, and say “Yeah… what about him?”

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