If I were backwards man, I’d have to do everything forward… to a backward man, forward is backward. To the untrained eye, I’d probably just be doing stuff regularly… but I wouldn’t be, I’d be doing it backward… it’d just look like I’m doing it forward to you, because you’re not backward and you can’t comprehend what it’s like to be a backward man in a forward world, doing backward things, in a seemingly forward fashion.

If I actually managed to explain to you what it’s like to be backward, your head would explode… actually, your head would implode… cuz imploding is the opposite of exploding… but you’re not backwards… though you seem backward to me, cuz I’m backward, and you’re forward and when your head exploded, I would see it as your head imploding… which would be proper to me.

Who is to say forward is more right than backward? I think backward is way cooler… like when you ride The Bat, at Canada’s Wonderland… and it goes backward… it’s the coolest… I like it better forward though, cuz it’s going backward that way.

The other day I was walking down the street, and some guy looked at me and said “You moonwalk better than Michael Jackson!” I thanked the guy, and then he said “You moonwalk better than I walk regularly… it’s like you’re moving forward, but you’re not!” That guy knew what was going on… cept he had no idea what was going on… it totally did absolutely nothing to my mind!

I applied for a job as an importer/exporter… and I got the job… but I didn’t do too well, cuz I’d import the exports and export the imports… which is hard to do, cuz I wouldn’t have the exports to import… I could drive like an absolute animal though… cuz if people called the “How’s my driving number” they’d have to say “Fabulous! That guy is driving reverse, in the wrong direction, on the wrong side of the street!” The really weird thing is… turns out I never got a job as an importer/exporter.

I think this is the single, most brilliant thing anyone has ever said… in the history of time… which may mean, that this will be the Apex of time… cuz no one will ever say anything this smart again!

You know what’s really fucked up? I finished writing this before I started… but I started at the bottom, which is the beginning.

Recap:
You finished reading this shortly before I started writing it;
Doing jobs that you didn’t do, for employers who haven’t employed you is the smart way to beat the system;
I moonwalk better than Michael Jackson… and I moonwalk better than you walk… but I walk worse than you moonwalk;
The Bat is a fun ride;
Forward is more backward than backward;
Implosions are the new explosion;

Don’t tell your friends.

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