I wish someone could narrate my life. Theoretically, someone could be narrating my life… and this is nothing more than a really, really boring story; but since I can’t hear said narrator, I’m going to assume he (or she… hopefully she’s hot) doesn’t exist (I guess it really doesn’t matter if she is, in that case). Anyway, how splendid would it be if Daniel Stern were narrating these goings on, just like he did for that Kevin kid in the Wonder Years. I suppose that means in the future I have to become Daniel Stern… I don’t know if I’m down with that. Does this mean Fred Savage is actually Daniel Stern? I’m confused.

I think the Wonder Years would’ve been so much cooler if they filmed the show back in the 80′s, and then waited ’til now to have Fred Savage narrate… sure, they wouldn’t be able to air the show for 30 years… but wouldn’t it be worth it? Not that I think Daniel Stern did a poor job… I just don’t think Fred Savage is Daniel Stern… and that’s really ruining it for me.

Remember the Princess Bride? Do you ever watch that movie and think “Wow! I’m watching the Princess Bride!!” I don’t. Typically when I watch a movie, I’m paying attention to what’s going on in the film, and don’t have time to concern myself with other matters… such as getting excited about the fact that I’m watching said film. Sometimes when I watch the Princess Bride I get side-tracked by the shear hideousness of Andre the Giant… and sometimes I find myself thinking “I wish I were Inigo Montoya” and then other times I think Cary Elwes and Rob Reiner should enter a 3-legged-race together… but then I realize that my mind is wandering, and I refocus my attention on the movie… just in time for the torture scene (the one with the machine!).

How come Fred Savage was all over film and TV that used narrative, in the 80′s? Peter Falk narrated the Princess Bride, and Daniel Stern narrated the Wonder Years… and Fred Savage’s career fell apart after that.

If I were Fred Savage, I’d resurrect my career, by writing and starring in a film that’s narrated by Christopher Walken.

Christopher Walken really needs to narrate a film. I can’t emphasize the really enough. And who better to play a lead role in this film than Fred Savage. When people narrate for him, he’s really on his ‘A’ game. If Fred Savage had someone narrating his life, he’d probably be the best person at life… ever!

I wish Christopher Walken was the guy who got cast to narrate my life… I realize that a few paragraphs ago I said it would be cool if Daniel Stern narrated my life, but now that I’ve thought of Walken, there’s no going back. I’d do so much awesome stuff… like make breakfast, and walk around. Christopher Walken would make those things so much better than they already are. Christopher Walken completes me… way more than Rene Zellweger completes Tom Cruise. Christopher Walken had me before hello. He had me when he walked in the room and did that beady-eyed head bobbing motion that he does so well. Christopher Walken is the Christopher Walken of Christopher Walken! He’s like the Cadillac of humans.

Recap:
Life needs narration;
The Wonder Years should be airing (for the first time) now;
The Princess Bride is a movie that deserves your attention;
Fred Savage needs narration;
Christopher Walken is, unquestionably, the coolest cat ever… and he’s probably part alien.

Have someone narrate this to a friend for you.

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