I want to start a team of thieves called “the Rubbers.” We’d be a really far-out team of robbers, who conducted heists using rubberized weapons.

The group would consist of the following members:

Bunny
Bunny is one of those really big dudes you see on TV pulling fire trucks with a rope. He’s pretty burly and a whiz with a rubber mallet. I once saw him put a hole in a quarter-inch piece of drywall with his rubber mallet… it was intense.

Ace
He was once the best damn pilot in the skies, but a freak furnace explosion at his home, last August, left him blinded and unable to operate heavy machinery… except for dump trucks… for some reason he’s fine behind the wheel of one of those.

Anyway, Ace is the eyes and ears of the robbery operation… which is odd cuz he’s blind… I’m not going to lie, he doesn’t really contribute in any way; it just seems wrong to have a team of bandits without a guy named Ace… and he was the only one we could find.

Shawshank
This dude is the brains of the operation. He’s mildly retarded, but he’s a natural when it comes to planning heists. He eats candy from the bulk section of his local grocery store without even getting caught. One time, he actually left the store with a handful of Gummie Bears, and he didn’t for them. If anyone could concoct the world’s ultimate heist, this is the guy.

Trigger
Trigger can fire an elastic band across an entire room. One time, I saw him shoot an elastic band and knock over an empty plastic cup that was a good 8 feet away… it was really remarkable to see a man blast an elastic band with such force and accuracy. If shooting elastic bands was basketball, Trigger wouldn’t be any good, cuz the court is pretty long and there aren’t any plastic cups… but shooting elastic bands isn’t basketball, so he’s awesome at it!

I round out the team as a jack of all trades sort of guy. I primarily manage the heists, and handle most of the PR work involved.

Anyway, the Rubbers would be particularly fantastic, cuz we’d be the only group of robbers who rob places using rubber weapons. We wouldn’t rob just any bank or liquor store either… we’d focus solely on robbing rubber manufacturing plants… with rubber weapons… yeah! That would be neat. Picture the headlines…

Bandits rob rubber manufacturing plant with rubber weapons… and take pride in redundancy… just because.

Yep… that’s glory.

Recap:
There isn’t really much to recap, other than how great an idea it is to use rubber weapons to rob rubber manufacturers with.

You don’t have to tell your friends about this if you don’t want to.

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